Practical Ways to Achieve Healthy Rhythms of Rest and Recreation

Does your home feel like a place of rest, a peaceful sanctuary where you want to spend time with those you love? As a mother of young children, it can seem near impossible to find rest. Between the practical jobs of cooking and cleaning and teaching and taxiing, and the emotional jobs like therapist, soundboard, referee and voice of reason, resting is that thing you do when you fall down flat on your bed at the end of the day, right? But that isn't very life-giving. Here are a few ways that I have found to restore rest and peace to my household, and make my house truly the home where I want to be. 
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Practical ways to embrace rest in your home:
1. Make it easy to spend time with God. Keep everything you need in one place so you can grab a few minutes while the kids are napping or playing. I keep my Bible, journal, a pen, pencil and ruler all in on box that can travel with me from room to room. Every day Bible reading, or quiet time is difficult for a mother of young children. A MOPS mentor once told me “God gives young mothers grace”. Embrace that. But never stop trying. And keeping all your tools together, makes a quiet time more attainable.

​2. Make room for solitude. In the book Sacred Rhythms Ruth Haley Barton explains solitude as “being with what is real in my life – to celebrate the joys, grieve the losses, shed my tears, sit with the questions, feel my anger, attend to my loneliness.” This is not a time of fixing, it is simply a time of inner-stocktaking and laying that stock before God.  When my second child was a baby, my solitude came with night feedings. It wasn’t a conscious decision; it was just the only time of the day where I was sitting still in a quiet room. But it was very sweet and I often lingered long after my little one had drifted off to sleep.  I recently met a mom who takes a monthly day retreat. She goes off to a quiet place by herself for the day - not to run errands, but to reconnect with herself, to be mindful of her emotions and thoughts, and to set her priorities for the coming month.

3. You set the tone in your house. As mothers we have the power to dial down the noise in our children’s lives. Setting good examples and boundaries when they are young, will shape their future habits. Here are few peace thieves and ways to deal with them:

• Too much screen time turns children into monsters and shatters the peace in a house. Make conscious decisions about your own screen habits and set limits for your children. As time is an abstract concept it helps to have a physical counter e.g. have a jar with pom-poms or balls for the amount of shows they are allowed to watch during the day. They move a counter from the full jar to an empty one for each show they watch. This helps them manage their screen time (and encourages negotiation and team work if you have more than one child.)
• Music is a great mood setter. Use it to help guide your kids through their day. Use bouncy fun songs in the morning, nursery rhyme or preschool songs for interactive games, classical music during times that require focus and calm, soothing music for nap or bed time. Also remember that we sometimes need complete quiet around us.
• Overtired children, no matter their age, rob peace. Be sure to facilitate quiet time. Even if your children have waved goodbye to naps, down time is still important. Reading or looking at books; listening to stories or quiet music on CD; or quiet independent play activities, like coloring, teach our children to embrace rest. And it provides time for moms to rest too.
• You set the tone regarding the overall volume in your house. Do you allow shouting and screaming? What do you model and does it induce peace and rest?
• Have a consistent bed time, a set routine and a plan towards winding your kids down.

4. I am a strong believer in 20 minute miracles. Most household tasks are not as gargantuan as we tend to think. Set a timer for yourself for 20 minutes to accomplish a specific task such as folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, sorting through paper work, doing e-mails, organizing a closet, wiping down a bathroom, or picking up one room. A baby can lie on a blanket with toys or be in a Pack ‘n Play for 20 minutes.  A toddler can play at your feet for 20 minutes. Just be wise about when you do this; not when they are tired or cranky or hungry. When the timer rings, stop your activity and do something with your children.

5. Bust time wasters such as Facebook or other social media. (Perhaps moms also need jars with pom-poms?) Spending too much time on social media is never refreshing. It may be helpful to designate one 20-minute miracle towards that. Can you identify other areas in your life where you waste away time that you could have spent doing something life-giving?

6. Control your schedule, don’t let it control you. If you set the pace while your children are young, that will become their normal. Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family advises two activities per child per year. Andy Stanly in Parental Guidance Required says, “In our culture, parents often feel pressured to give their children just the right package of experiences. As a result, many children grow up experience-rich and relationship-poor…When it matters most the quality of your relationship with your children will determine the weight of your influence.”  If you don’t spend time building relationship when your children are young, you will not have influence when they are teenagers. Relationship building takes time and effort and is hard to achieve rushing from one activity to the next. Let’s be mindful to create time for rest in our children’s schedules.

7. Be prepared. For example, plan meals around the family calendar so you are sure to keep the more involved dinners for evenings when you are not running around.

8. But be flexible. Meal plans and recipes are merely suggestions. Some days our best plans get derailed. Having the capacity to take such a derailment in your stride, adds to a restful atmosphere in your house.

9. Make it a priority to rest together as a family. Having dinner together is a great time to reconnect as a family. It is easy to extend this together time with a quick board game after dinner or sharing funny or heart-warming picture books.

10. Rest with your mate. When our kids are in bed, my husband and I sit down together on the couch with a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate. We rest and unwind together. Every day. This is my favorite part of the day. Make sure some of your resting and recreation include your mate.

Healthy rhythms in your house provide time to work, rest and play. And as we do those things that nurture our souls, we gain the resilience to parent patiently with love and grace.

~Amanda Smith

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